something your not.

i lay there, coital, for heaven knows how long. i felt ensebb and flow in the spans of seconds. i lived as intently as i could in the those endless instants, as the boredom of -after- droned on and on. the fires of my my heart grew dim and become only the faintest embers of the roaring blaze they had once been.i try in vain to forgive and forget my self as i paste on those plaster smiles and strain to lively. i remember, i forget. i forget again. i remember less. i am saddened at the thought that i have forgotten, i am not who i used to be. though it pained me so, i was never so real as those lonely, lost times of my undoing. i am torn asunder at the thought of loosing forever that, which has changed my life eternally, and thatwhich i fear in the depths of my soul will never be again. that which has gifted me with more pain than i have ever known in all of my lives or all of the lives that i know through my own.
who am i to ask this of you?